"In the mourning I can see the light"

"I never thought you'd leave."

These surprising words were uttered in the depth of the night, long after the chaos of the bars had quieted. 

It was said bluntly in a moment of drunkenness - though I must allow that the intoxication may have been from the truthfulness and honesty of our conversation. Something with which you seem unfamiliar, and which can certainly bring an attachment of sorts. Confessions and laughter and tears and silence combined into a menagerie of acceptance.

We dove farther and farther into this beautiful and freeing conversation - areas we had not ever traversed before - bringing an intimacy that was peaceful and heady. The hours, as usual, passed far too quickly, but I immersed my soul in you for those few minutes I was allowed.

And as the sun rose again, the world seemed entirely different, even though it looked just as we left it the night before.

Pulling myself out of the waters of confusion, mourning and grieving over the dead body washed ashore,

I came to the frank realization that everything had changed.

But the world LOOKED the same. 

Obviously, it was only my heart that changed.

My heart and my mind - they were charmed for a night by ideas wrapped around potential...

But they were brought back screaming and kicking to the harsh sunlight of early morning.

They weren't accepting of the old surroundings any longer.

Once again, I paste on my plastic smile of normalcy and the garish makeup of faux peace, and wander back into the streets, where I surely will encounter you again, and soon.

And you will try to pretend we haven't changed,

But I will look deep into your eyes and see the difference in your soul.

It's the only bit of hope I have left.