Saturday, November 29, 2008


I have decided upon a new experiment for as long as possible: Life without Facebook.

A cursory glance would indicate that this might be an easy task. It eliminates the distraction of walls, notes, friends, etc. The removal of FB provides more time for me to accomplish tasks I should be focusing upon, in place of FB. Relationships will be more intentional, as it's not quite as simple as logging on to my page any time of day or night and leaving me a message asking to hang out - you have to pursue at least a text message or phone call or (gasp!) an in person invite.

However, my social life might just suffer. Very few people remember to invite non-FB friends to events anymore. It's more of a hope-you-are-lucky-enough-to-hear-it-through-the-grapevine kind of thing. I'm okay with the fact that I might miss out on a few social events, though, because I am frequently overwhelmed by my social calendar anyway. And if it's an event I should really be at, I'm fairly certain someone will tell me in a manner other than facebook.

There are other reasons that I have opted to experiment with this, but they won't be disclosed here. I should admit that I'm not sure how long my will power is going to last, so I might be on as early as tonight. I should also give credit to my roommate Leslie Hege, who has been without Myspace and/or Facebook frequently without problems. She's my inspiration, at least in part.

I just got back to Orlando from Georgia this weekend. It was such an incredibly lovely 4 days at home. I always enjoy seeing my family and hanging out with my Georgian friends; however, this time was the most refreshing time spent out of Orlando in quite a while. Friendships here have lately been challenging and heartbreaking and work - to be expected, of course. I've struggled with being a good friend and finding good friends and loving well and being loved well. I went home to my family (who loves me fairly unconditionally) and my 2 best friends from college (who also are great at loving me despite my flaws) and several other people whom I love dearly. Being at home this week felt like sitting on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, drowsily watching an Audrey Hepburn movie after a fantastic night on the town the night before. It was comfortable and easy and required very little on my part (and I hope those who I spent time with!) 

As I spent time with these amazing friends/family of mine, I realized what was missing from some of my friendships here that have been frustrating lately. I am insecure, or else my friend is insecure, in the friendship. It's not completely understood that no matter what, we will be friends; no matter how your flaws come up or how we argue or disagree - we will be friends. There's not enough love, whether on my part or my friends (because there might be a little of both!).

I take responsibility for at least part of most of these unstable friendships and it's my goal to work as I can with God to change these insecurities on both ends. I think it involves me being more present in those friendships that need more stability and love. I think it involves the friend being willing to love me despite how flipping ugly I can be in certain situations, and vice versa.

So work with me if you will to make our friendships better and more unconditional (as much as we are able.) 

Love you guys. I want to feel as loved and refreshed in Orlando as I do in Atlanta, and I will strive to accomplish that goal! As for you people who already love me as I mentioned, thanks. Just THANKS.

About Me

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I live amongst the dragons and the warriors of the 21st century. I surround myself with both the peasants, the aristocrats; the knights and the maidens. For a long time (now quite in the past), I wove the structure of my life around the mold others saw for me. I've since learned to live for God and myself. Freedom comes and goes as I remember this lesson of mine. But my life is MY life: a series of events and remembering such. And this, this beautiful montage, is why I wake up every morning. God willing.