Monday, December 22, 2008


The word is overused. It's utterly lost the extraordinary truth that it contains within its 7 letters.

And yet, when you do something to experience it, the truth and the reality of the blessing it contains becomes

part of you.

You're bent, changed, altered, twisted just a little bit (or maybe a lot). You edge just a tiny step closer to God and give him just a little bit more control than you have before, than usual.

Every minute of every day I'm pondering how to run my life and be in charge. In management, it's called delegation. And in the brief encounters I have with my Soulmate, I find that although accomplishing freedom (that letting go) is difficult and counterintuitive, the reward is always shocking.

Because in letting go, you not only give up control of your own life,

but you also stop letting others control it.

And: you give it to the One who can use it best.

As Imogen Heap said: Let go, there's beauty in the breakdown.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Life Sings Her Beautiful Lullaby (but I don't yet want to sleep)

Pending departure,
Your fragrance has become significantly more potent
(incredibly luring)
I smelled it on the wind that rushed past my body
It lingered on my clothes and in my hair when I returned home.

The aroma of beauty and vulnerability
of friendships and love
The memories of our pasts
and desires for my future...
These came together in a rush
A symphony of immense proportions
Cymbals crashing, violins singing, flutes trilling and timpani rumbling
The utter crescendo of life!
Which then quieted into the most beautiful silence.

Yesterday the world looked more beautiful
More glorious than normal
One might contend it was the best weather of the year,
Or the basic presence of excitement,
But in my closing argument,
I would label it nothing less than love.

My beautiful friends,
It has always been clear
That there will be an Orlando-shaped hole in my heart come this winter.
But it has never been more obvious,
The magnificence that you have taught me
Through relationship, love, and accountability.

Is there a word for this feeling in my heart?
This overwhelming, overcoming appreciation for you and your part in my life?
To classify it as affection, happiness, adoration, longing, or sadness is a feeble attempt at absolute best;
These words combine into a shadowy, colorless, and shapeless drawing 
Instead of the bright beautiful colors containing the actual welling up in my soul.

I love you, dear friends.

About Me

My photo
I live amongst the dragons and the warriors of the 21st century. I surround myself with both the peasants, the aristocrats; the knights and the maidens. For a long time (now quite in the past), I wove the structure of my life around the mold others saw for me. I've since learned to live for God and myself. Freedom comes and goes as I remember this lesson of mine. But my life is MY life: a series of events and remembering such. And this, this beautiful montage, is why I wake up every morning. God willing.