There is definition.

I sat and looked into his eyes and I was immediately captivated. There is something about his soul and how different it is from my own that is magnetic. (Even though you might think that it would be more akin to the repellent poles.) I watched his mouth move, uttering inane strings of words; the genuine, raucous laughs repeatedly made their escape from my mouth. Sitting in the moment, I wished for nothing more. Why did it feel so good? To be appreciated and to appreciate him? I can't say I wanted him to leave, so when we said our goodbyes it was far too soon, even at 3am.

In my mind, which thrives on logic and order and sense, I was jotting a 5 page list of all the reasons it would never work. I'm moving to Australia. I'm moving to Australia. I'm moving to Australia. Also, I think he has a girlfriend? (Facebook tells all.) This is mere infatuation. Is there a basis for the attraction, beyond the obvious? Questions and more questions lined up, each waiting their turn to be translated onto that list. 

There's also the obvious: his attention seems fleeting.

It felt absurd to have her whisper to me later, "I think he likes you. He keeps finding you whenever you walk away." It didn't seem that way in my mind, but I always tend to question whether the guys I find interesting actually like me. I am quite cautious about letting those thoughts prance through my head. I am certain it has everything to do with expectations increasing and potentials for disappointment.

I have to admit to you, my reader, the truth is that whether or not I might actively acknowledge those words in my head, my heart has already written scrolls upon scrolls about this infatuation. It rarely has the chance, in my days, to be as introspective as the dominate head - but today is her lucky day. She'll keep her secret as long as possible, until the truth is too obvious to ignore anymore.

And the days go by and I think of him sometimes. On my lucky days, like today, I get to see him. Sometimes I keep my distance, saying only hello and goodbye. Other days, I gather his undivided attention close and relish the time spent in our friendship. It must be the heart and the head jousting within for the throne. It makes me smile. I have always enjoyed their tournaments... even though the victor is not always who I support.

Even so, they are both me. So I do always win. This is good for my competitive spirit. (Wait, maybe it's not. I am not adept at losing and this does nothing to mold me?)

I am intrigued to see how this plays out the rest of my time in Orlando. I just realized that I am looking forward to it because it IS black and white. Does that sound strange to you? But there IS definition: I leave in less than 30 days. There is no long-term commitment. It is easy to let it come, let it go. I think. Yes, I will miss him when I am gone, should we become more intimate in our friendship.

But the truth is that long-term allows for, no, demands, vulnerability. 

That thought scares me.